In 2011 I ended up very depressed and had bad anxiety as well.
So being as I have anxiety, I thought I’d share this with you.
There are sounds be it repetitive, or just too much at the same time I cannot deal with so I have to have time where there is quiet time, just me time.
I can’t fall asleep (or sleep well) unless I go to bed at 2am (or later) but earliest is 1 or 1:30 )
The first person I dated after this, was a friend and well couldn’t listen whatsoever. While yes I was mad for like a minute when he broke up with me (no idea why…) I didn’t cry, I didn’t get all sad etc. It was more like whatever…I told you so. Frankly I think dating him didn’t help as when I’d stay over (after hanging out at night and just coming back & trying to go to sleep…I wouldn’t be able to sleep or only in short bursts. (I need to relax for an hour or 2 before bed read or watch tv or both)
SI would say the ONLY way we want attention is someone that will listen when we need to talk, try to understand.
Keep in mind, Depression if this is also a symptom) is not them being extremely sad. While I had been depressed once before, and yes it lasted for a few months.. I just though I was really sad, as I KNEW why I was depressed. In 2011 when it happened, I have no idea why I was and frankly I am terrified at the possibility it could happen again.
My brain is a jumble of ideas, things that may have happened earlier (like an argument and of course NOW the witty retorts come to me. Even when my brain isn’t being a twisted mix of the above, I try to keep my mind occupied! If not me thinking is never a good thing as bad ideas, sad times and so on come to haunt me. This is what I would literally call wrestling with your demons; and as a family member or a real friend, seeing us like this is not fun for you, just think of how it is on us.
I am and swear I always will be a kid at heart, but the soul feels like a shriveled husk (Rasin or Prune anyone?) When some descriptions say when you are depressed it feels like you have no soul, its true, and I think the worst feeling beside a broken heart)
You just feel like you are stuck in a black hoke of despair, fighting your way out of Hel. I’ve said a few times I have been to hel and back and when you go through depression it is too true!
I ended up in an emergency room the day where I finally had enough. Why do I have to threaten to kill myself when I am not going to JUST TO GET HELP??
Good thing I had a book with me that day, being as I was there for hours so when they checked in my stuff I just asked if I could read and whatever of the book I had left I think I almost finished it but I definitely read big chunk of it! 1/4 to half of it. I think this was for a couple reasons, one I wanted the help, as well as I was more calm than most who show up.
If you or someone you know have depression get help. There’s nothing wrong with it, but it worries your family and any real friends you have. Get the meds you need to ‘recover’ though I feel like you never will.
When I look at myself in the mirror, to me that’s not who I see. I don’t know who that is looking back but I know there are people out there that may not be depressed but have anxiety and need their own help line, or at least someone listen to them when they feel manic and out of control like I did.
Now, when my feet hit the floor in the morning, the devil (or whatever variation of) sighs and Thanks the gods cause he knows I’d take over! I’ve wrestled with demons, and well am friends with a few of them but they know, the day I go into the veil… If the christian Hell is real then the fury WILL now be that of a woman! (or at least there will be a new level animal abusers, watch out cause you’ll have to deal with me and my demons!
*Hel – the Norse version goddess who rules the dead. There are 2 parts those for the criminals Murderers and so on and those who die a natural death from sickness and such)